and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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