i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
