New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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