i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
