Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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