please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
