Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
