I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
