I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
