I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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