i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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