go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize