In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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