She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
