she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
