i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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