its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
