Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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