this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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