Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
