How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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