He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
