hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
handjob tips. give me some.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
