You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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