Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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