I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
