I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
