honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
