Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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