Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize