After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
