If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
