epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
