Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just took my morning after pill in the library
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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