Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
