yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
