I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
