Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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