i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
