just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
