if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize