Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
