I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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