now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
