Duck Duck Cougar?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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