fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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