Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
