Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
