is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
