I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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