Whod you bang
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
