tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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