dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
