She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
