Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
