pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
