I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
