i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
