Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My ass is underappreciated
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
