i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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