He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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