dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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