im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
