just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
