worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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