I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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