how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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