Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
