I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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