sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
