haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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